Ok guys, how often have you been on a first date, where everything appeared to be going smoothly. You managed to avoid spilling red wine on her lap, insulting her parents, and you felt that you had a connection. Yet when you ring her back, she ‘has other plans’. So, what on earth did you do wrong? Easy, you acted like she was your girlfriend already. You showed an uncommon interest in everything she said and did. You acted like husband and wife, that made her uncomfortable. You viewed her as a conquest, and you barely knew her surname. Women generally like a first date to be casual, comfortable, and relaxed. Good conversation, interesting topics, and, most importantly, a guy who does not act like a freak.
Reverse the situations for a minute. Imagine you met a woman who talked about ‘future plans’ on a first date. She was talking about meeting her parents, picking out curtains for the sitting room in the house you are going to move in together, planning venues for the wedding etc. That would scare you right? Well it should! You may protest and say ‘I didn’t say anything like that to her’. That’s irrelevant, your voice didn’t say it, but your body language sure did. Ok, the wedding venue comment might be over the top but you get the idea. Women can read your body language like you can read a sports magazine. So, stop acting desperate, stop seeking attention like a new-born puppy and start getting these women to call you back!
First up, know that if the woman is not attracted to you, nothing you say or do will change her mind about you. Accept that you can only be friends at best with women like this and move on. When on your first date, just act calm and collected. Act like you don’t need her adulation, make some funny jokes at her expense. Let her know that you are not overawed by her beauty. Give her enough attention to stay interested, but not so much so as to smother her. If you spot any flaws she has, then poke fun at her, but be sure to do this in a humorous, jovial way, NOT in a mean nasty way (you want her to like you remember!). If she reacts badly to your friendly joking around, then she is probably not worth spending time with. Basically, enjoy your first date, pretend that she’s just a friend, and if other things happen, just roll with it.
Patrick Lynch
